Jackfruit letter

A possibly apocryphal letter, allegedly written around 1909,
displaying a remarkable brand of clerical Indian English.

---

Dear Sir,

I am arrive by passenger train at Ahmedpore station,
and my belly is too much full of jack fruit. I am
therefore went to privy, Just as I doing the
nuisance, that guard making whistle blow for train to
go off and I am running with lotah in one hand and
dhotie in the next hand. I am fall over and expose my
shockings to man, females, woman on platform. I am
get leaved at Ahmedpore station.

This too much bad, if passenger go to make dung, that
dam guard no wait train 5 minutes for him. I am
therefore pray your honour to make big fine on that
guard for public sake, otherwise I am making big
report to papers.

Your faithful servant,

Okhil Ch. Sen